Grace Driven Obedience

I have a confession to make.  It may not go over well, and people may take it in wayward directions, but it needs to be said.  I do not have a passion for home educating.  My days are not filled with thoughts on how to teach a new concept or idea.  Homeschool meetings, workshops, and conferences make me want to toil elsewhere.  Observations and illustrations to teach in an unconventional, out-of-the-box method do not spring to my mind.

Home educating for me is one day at a time.  Still.  Going into my second year of lesson plans, and third year of learning-at-home, I still plead with the Lord for patience, wisdom and guidance.  Teaching my children is a grace driven obedience.

This is not to say that there is not joy and satisfaction in the endeavor, or that I do not enjoy spending the time with my children.  I do enjoy the precious moments with my kids.  Watching them discover a new Biblical truth, gaining more knowledge about the world God placed them in, watching them grow into the beautiful people God made them to be, and stewarding their hearts and minds are a gift.

My discerning husband made an incredible observation this week.  My biggest obstacle in teaching our children is my fear.  Fear that I will not honor God in my approach and relationship with my children.  I fear that I will not be able to provide my children with the knowledge, or the ability to learn to obtain the knowledge, they need to love God with their minds, bodies, and souls.  We have refused to home educate out of fear; yet, as many know, the roots of sin anchor differently in believer's lives.

These fears lead me to over-thinking, over-planning, over-organizing, and over-stressing.  I act as though I am in control of my children's destinies, and not my good and Sovereign God.  My illusion of control gives me a fake sense of comfort in the moment, but let my day or my expectations not go as planned and my idolatry is exposed.  My trust is not always in Jesus and His energy working through me (Col 1:29), but rather often in my ability to toil and labor for my children or my family.

So, I am slowly learning to pray. To listen and wait on God's instruction in which path to take, which lesson to teach, and what focusing on today looks like.  I cannot worry about tomorrow, it will worry for itself (Mat 6:24).  Instead, I will ask the Lord for grace to walk in obedience.